Are Libra men worth the effort?

This article was originally published at


and is republished with permission.

Recently, on Twitter, I got an interesting direct message from a guy who asked, “Why do some women look at me sideways when they find out I’m a Libra?” There are a few answers to that question. First, nearly everybody gets the side-eye for their sign. For instance, I get it for being a Scorpio. (I’m reportedly a sex freak, though, like many Scorps, I can go for months or years without sex at all.) I know plenty of Geminis who don’t get a second chance for the expectation that they’re two-faced. But this is Sun-sign astrology, a bloodsport in some circles, especially when it comes to love. The truth is that there is a little bit of truth about a sign that gets stretched way out of proportion. Fortunately, we can sift through the hype and pick out the shards of truth about a sign. So as I talk about Libra men, what I say won’t be applicable for all Libra men at all times; but if any of my insights apply to some Libra men enough of the time, then it’s time well-spent.

So why the side-eye for Libra men? Libra men frequently are dashing, charming, only wanting to please, and often very witty. Of course, some of these traits might lead some to assume that he’s either a playboy like Libra Snoop Dog or that he’s in the closet with all that culture and refinement. However, I think the unease about Libra men boils down to the fact that they’re so hard to pin down, like Piscean men, but in a completely different way. They’re airy yet very rational, so they can seem scattered and at other times indecisive. Unfortunately, in our sexist culture, many don’t find indecisiveness in a man cute or sexy, even though they may tolerate this trait in a woman.

Yet there are very few men as well-rounded as Libras. Some say that more generals are born under this sign than any other. Libra men love strategy, pursuing options, beautifully laid-out plans and strengthening relationships. Of course, problems start when Libras gets too caught up in their idealizations of beauty and relationships. The challenge is for them to find beauty and balance in more intimate moments, not all the time. They may rely too much on consideration of others as they look to solve some problem or social equation in their lives. Libra has to learn that real beauty is in figuring out, privately or with a partner, the proper balance between the courage of his own convictions and consideration for others. This holds true whether your Libra man is ordering clam chowder or an engagement ring. And honestly, a gal with a Libra man may not want to work that hard, so that’s why many Libra guys get the “side-eye” treatment.

But Libra men have a hard time finding that balance. Like the other two air signs (Gemini and Aquarius), they love talking about, discovering, entertaining or creating choices, options and perspectives on almost anything. Too bad they tend to get overwhelmed by these options or their constant need for choice. So a nice romantic night out at a restaurant can turn into a blowout, if it goes like this:

You:   What do you want to eat? What do you feel like having?

Libra Man: I want clam chowder, but I also feel like having shrimp bisque. But then I see they also have a yummy avocado salad. And…

…so it goes for the next five minutes while your stomach churns. You want to be “nice” but as he gets more agitated, so do you. The solutionis to connect the Libra guy to his real scales, which balances the gut with the intellect. The operative word is to connect, though, because that’s really what the Libra needs in that moment. Libras want to feel connected to someone or something, yet as a cardinal sign, they must assert themselves. Confused? That’s okay. Allow room for both by appearing to narrow options.

You: Go for the bisque. You like shrimp.

Libra man: Yeah, but I like the clam chowder too. I think I’ll go for that.

By using a little Aries, their opposite sign, you provide a foil, a relationship dynamic to explore options, rather than leave him to do so individually. Again, it’s not because Libra’s incapable of acting independently as much as he’d rather act interdependently, especially if he’s with someone else. This requires flexibility on your part, too. You can’t get too attached to the decisions he makes for himself. For instance, our Libra man above might change his mind again as soon as the waiter comes. That’s okay. He made a decision once, so he can do it again.

Of course, it’s perfectly fair to be less understanding if your Libra guy waffles on decisions that jointly affect you. (We’re talking about Libra here, so he’ll even think you’re being fair!) But you have to accept that a Libra guy is less likely to be a direct/take charge/macho kind of guy. He may be too smooth, too quick, too polished … and too indecisive too often. Regardless, for wit, sophistication, smarts, good looks, fun, and socializing, you’ll find few guys who can match Libra men. You won’t be as sorry about his choices as much as the time it may take for him to make them.


Is astrology an instrument of control or understanding?

For the last few months, I’ve been working with a friend to bring the Zodiac Lounge to Philadelphia. Yesterday I spoke with an important connection, based on referral from my friend, to make that happen. We had a good convo about the space where we might have the Zodiac Lounge, some common people we know (as Philly is a wonderful big little town) and some next steps. As we were getting off the phone, she surprised me by relaying a question that someone in the background was asking her, “Do I want our chart (astrological) information?” I laughed and said, “No. I didn’t need that quite yet.” She laughed and then we said our goodbyes.

As I hung up, I wondered for a second if they will think I’m not a serious astrologer if I would be remiss in getting such *vital* information? In fact, at astrology conferences, many astrologers will have their rising, moon and sun signs right on their name tags under their names.  People will have whole conversations talking only about their placements. Even after studying, teaching and practicing astrology for over 20 years, I find that strange and baffling.

I had to think why don’t I think about that kinda stuff first.  The only thing I could realize is that I only use astrology with people I meet in real life, who aren’t clients, when I want to understand something that I don’t understand.  When I’m meeting people for the first time, I want to experience them as I perceive them, not as astrology “snapshots” them.  However, before the first meeting, there’s rarely something that I don’t understand as I don’t have any real information or knowledge of the person anyway. Nor do I want it.  So why do people do use astrology that way? The only thing I could reason is that people are struck by the allure of control that astrology offers.

For many reasons, legitimate or otherwise, people seem to negotiate safety and trust in people through knowledge or things that they feel give the knowledge.  This knowledge can either lead to understanding or feed control issues.  There is a thin line between the two and we can fool ourselves as we dance along that line.

If we use knowledge as a tool of understanding, then we can see how a dynamic works without necessarily attempting to alter it. We may be just content to experience it…or not. When knowledge becomes a tool of control, we feel the need to do something about what can or should happen with this knowledge or to anticipate events based on what we perceive. For me, that’s stressful although I recognize that may be soothing for others.

For instance, let’s say I get the chart info of my new contact before I meet her. Then let’s say she turns out to have a Sun at 29 degrees Taurus, meaning she’s born May 20, 21 or 22 (depending on the year and hour), I might conjecture that I could have problems w/ her based on my recent challenging experiences with people having planets at that degree.  (My Sun is at 29 degrees Scorpio.) Can I truly avoid coming in with possibly erroneous thoughts and perceptions about her based on my experiences? Will I stay disciplined (and open) or will I look for information that confirms my bias?  Likewise, will I modify my behavior to counter perceptions of her behavior that may or may not be there?  If I modify my behavior based on perceptions that haven’t even clearly formed yet, then am I authentically meeting her…or her scarecrow that I’ve made? I tend to think I would be constructing a scarecrow as I won’t have enough information about her to really know.

That’s why I think establishing relationships based on synastry alone is a crapshoot at best. One can blind oneself to a host of possibilities using astrology by ONLY focusing on the astrology, not on how the person is living the chart or a host of other factors. For instance, an astrologer, with enough charts, can find your ideal astrologically derived partner, but what if they’re a different sex than you prefer? Or way older or younger than you prefer? This goes to show you that it’s not just about the astro compatibility.  It’s about how and if you can really meet that person where they are. The astrology is a map to navigate the sea of relationship, not to contain it. It can tell you how vast or close the sea may be, but not always the condition of the waters.

Shying away from sea metaphors for a sec, the compatibility of charts only testify to possibilities and probabilities. I think giving too much primacy to those things sets up too many temptations for control more than understanding.

So I’m glad I said, “Not yet.” If my contacts wonder among themselves about what kind of astrologer I am who doesn’t ask for the info of new people he encounters, then I hope they realize that I’m the adventurous kind. I’ll pick up a map once I get there, but charting out too much before I get to the destination could blind me from seeing what’s most important while giving me the illusion that I know more than I do.